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The reality was that I was never actually fat, never overweight, never obese. I had a little pre-pubescent puppy fat but my size was never medically threatening to my life. Dear fat girl don’t be afraid to get on top shirt. Nevertheless an obsessive fear of fat led me to spend the time until my early twenties constantly dieting, determined to stay in control of my body size and composition. I withdrew socially, and was addicted to anxiety-inducing thoughts about what I’d eaten and how it would effect my body.
Beginning therapy made me question the why in these seemingly irrational behaviours. Why become so self-destructive? Why fight against my body? Why push myself so hard? Why become obsessive and addicted? Why so afraid of fat? I began therapy when I started my degree in social anthropology. Three years later I had some answers, drawing my conclusions from psychoanalysis, political theory and economics.